Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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