Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
