Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
