Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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