this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
