2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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