I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
