Someone shit on the floor
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
