I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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