someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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