Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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