# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
