One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
