on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
