dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
