dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
