party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
