Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
