We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
