Sponge bath it is.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize