I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
