Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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