I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
