I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just google imaged poop.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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