I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i think i have two assholes
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have tasted many bathrooms
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
