I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
