Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize