First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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