Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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