I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
