I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
