I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
