TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
