so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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