Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
