Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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