You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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