I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
