Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
