He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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