Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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