What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
