i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
