This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Do you remember whose house we're in?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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