i permit you to call me
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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