After last night, I could never be a politician.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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