Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
