Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
