You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
