Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
