I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
