i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
