Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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