Your mouth is God's brothel.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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