im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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