I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
