the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
