We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
