we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
