ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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