Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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