she was so not down for the gang bang
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
