i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
