bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
