i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm determined to sit on that face.
is it fun? or sober?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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