I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
