pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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