it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
