Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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