Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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