so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
