if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
