it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
