just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
