Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
