we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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