my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
