You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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