In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
